Waiting for that "love-at-first-sight" kind of match...means you may miss out on an even better one.

When we are younger, we often dream of being married, what it will be like, who it will be with. If you were a child in the 80s and 90s you probably grew up dreaming of your Disney-style prince charming, or beautiful princess. There is a whimsical magic in those dreams that makes finding the "right" one seem beautiful and easy...as if that "right" person just falls out of the sky/tower/coffin/forest/castle right into our arms.  Many children of the late 1900's have dreamed of this "love-at-first-sight" for years of our growing up lives. 

But is that really how true, lasting love works?  

Should we keep keeping our options open until we find this "instantaneous love?"  

What does science say about it? 

The science here is interesting to say the least.  For all those FOMO people out there who are afraid that choosing one person will keep them from finding the "perfect" person (their Disney love), prepare to be let down. Research shows: 

 People who keep their options open are LESS happy in life than those who make a conclusive decision. (Decide Already: a great podcast from Hidden Brain)

It seems that when we act with commitment, our whole existence changes. We think more positively about the choice we choose; we think more negatively about the choices we discarded. Science suggests that making committed choices actually relaxes us and lower our anxieties. Once we commit, we are in, so there is no use in thinking about other options.  Once we commit, we are able to move forward with one single focus. Once we commit, our minds are less distracted by all the possibilities in a world of endless possibilities.  Once we commit, we are more at peace. 

What does God say about it?

Perhaps for some of you, what God says doesn't matter.  Feel free to skip this section.  However, for those who are curious, or who care, or who just don't want to read only PART of an article, here is a simple thought:  God seems to do everything with reason and He designed the relationship between a man and a woman to be a committed one. (Ecclesiastes 4:9–12) 

But WHY does He ask us to commit?  

In the most simple of reflections, if I were giving my niece wise relationship guidance in life, I would want to make sure she stayed safe and healthy both physically and emotionally.  I can only assume, then, that a loving God has an even greater love and desire to protect us in His directions.

Perhaps the idea that having a teammate in life is simply GOOD for our overall wellbeing,  and that knowing there is someone committed to walk beside you through it all is encouraging and peace-giving to a deep depth in the soul. There is freedom and rest in knowing that your spouse has your back and will always be there for you, and that you can count on them. (Ephesians 5:31-33)

Perhaps there is something to the concept of "staying warm together"...or simply being more successful in reaching everyday goals and taking care of each other. (Ecclesiastes 4:11)

Perhaps there is also something to the simple act of choosing to commit.  When we commit there is a certain responsibility that reveals the selfish parts of us. Commitment means we will both be blessed, and have to give. Sometimes that 'give' comes with deep sacrifice, and sometimes the blessings that result are beyond what we could ask or imagine. There is GROWTH to be found in commitment that breaks us away from our inward focus, for it is impossible to remain selfish and simultaneously choose to love completely.  At some point in time in marriage (and parenting), we change and morph and become much better versions of ourselves as a result...It is almost as if commitment is a filtering devise for our flaws (1 Corinthians 13:4–7).  As Tim Keller stated in a handful of his writings, marriage is a "mirror in which we see ourselves more fully" (for better or for worse).

What about "happily-ever-after?"

Happily-ever-after is great for fairytales, but it isn't something that realistically exists in this world because... the world is broken.  So, why do we look for it? 

Perhaps we are looking for the wrong thing.

Perhaps, what is even better to search for, is someone who you want to walk beside through the rough times, who you can count on to stick with you in the thick and thin, and who refocuses your eyes on Jesus.  Perhaps, if we look for this type of best friends and 'soulmate,' we will find, in the end, that  "love-at-first-sight" is much less appealing than love that grows.  Perhaps we will see that excitement and thrill has less lifelong fulfillment than commitment. Perhaps we will find that true love casts out fear, and a partner who leads us back to Jesus, actually leads us to Peace.  

Does love-at-first-sight EVER happen?

Sure, there are situations when a person is swept off their feet as soon as they meet "the one" they choose to marry.  Often times, people are swept off their feet, and then they don't get married...or they get married and then divorced...or they get married and find out they are stuck in a very unhealthy relationship based solely on attraction... or... you get the idea.  Love-at-first-sight doesn't always mean its a good idea to get married to that person who makes your head spin. 

Perhaps you will be the exception to the rule and be that 1 in a million person who has a love-at-first-sight experience that lasts for a lifetime!  You could wait for it to happen.  It may happen tomorrow, or next year, or in 20 years, or right before your 80th birthday.  There is always more time to wait, if that is what you really are looking for.  

On the other hand, in waiting all that time for a single momentary experience...you may miss out on a lifetime of amazing, growing, blossoming, wonderful, life-giving love.  

Be brave.  

JUMP IN!

  

There is PEACE here.